1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
