You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
