I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
