so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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