what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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