Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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