She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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