he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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