maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
