You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize