Fine. I'll sleep in my office
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
