if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
