i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
