There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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