Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize