sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
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