I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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