How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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