Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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