Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
