Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We left an ass print on the piano.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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