fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
