Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
