I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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