I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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