why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
