Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
