if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
