How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
