Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
