Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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