What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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