Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
