I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
