at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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