I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
