Don't make out with my wife yet
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
