her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
