Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize