talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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