I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
