he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
