I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
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