mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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