So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
