My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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