I can tuck mytits in my pants
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
