help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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