Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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