I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
