The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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