This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
And then he peed in my hair
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