I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
