If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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