it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
