Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
