he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
