Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
