Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
