Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
