And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
