So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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