Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
