The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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