Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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